Christmas Blessings

the months leading up to Christmas this year was a big ball of beautiful chaos for me. I've worked retail during Christmas before, at the same store in fact, but this year, it was a little different. thankfully, it was a lot more low key than i remember. the people were, in general, a lot nicer than years before and miraculously, it just wasn't as bad as i had anticipated. with that being said, i can't say i didn't have a few breakdowns throughout it all, and i want to thank each and every member of my lifeway family for the amazing support they give me continuously. i know that God has me there as a part of my healing, and He has proved to me that i am ministering to others on the way. i love to go into work each morning in anticipation of what God is going to do. who he is going to bring into the store to meet me. i truly believe that each encounter i have every single day is a divine appointment from God. and there have been some amazing appointments. just when i need them too. for that, i am so thankful for my job.

this month also started a new chain of events in my life. a year of firsts. december 14 marked a year ago that i took 5 pregnancy tests and they were all positive. a year ago on that date, i ran outside in my robe at 5:30am to catch my bewildered husband who was driving down the street headed to work, to tell him the news. a year ago on december 14, my world changed forever. in wonderful and horrific ways. i know that this year is going to be a challenge. i have been warned. but i have also been given the hope that after this year of firsts is over, it gets better. i have a beautiful friend that has been through so much more heartache than i can imagine and i trust her. she is a priceless gem from God and i thank Him everyday for her presence in my life. i am encouraged through the aching in my soul that one day, the agonizing memory of what should be, will turn into a priceless memory of what WAS. that is my fervent prayer.  but for now, i am more than happy to roll around in a bittersweet dream of what might have been this year. and i wait.

as actual Christmas day drew near, i was finally able to rest and enjoy the beauty of the season. Christmas morning I woke up to my first white Christmas that I can remember. they say we had one in 93, but i don't remember it. i looked out the window and i marveled at on what should have been a sad and lonely morning for me, God sent me a blessing that I had never gotten before. my heart rejoiced in His love, mercy and compassion. my soul was full of praise and gratitude for what the day meant to me and my family. Jesus was here. He left His throne in heaven, laid His crown down, and came to Earth as a baby, born in the lowliest of places, to the humblest of people, lived a painfully human life. He did things that I cannot comprehend for reasons that I don't understand. but for everything, i am so beyond grateful. my son woke up from his sleep and lit up when he saw the presents under the tree. "Mom! Jesus brought me presents!" once again, my heart melted with joy. and suddenly every tear that could have flowed from my eyes that morning was wiped away with the joy seen through the eyes of a child on Christmas morning. I may not have had my baby snuggled up in my arms, but I had him in my heart, and his spirit was most definitely here, right along with Jesus'.

we spent time with family. i laughed and i cried. and as i sat and watched the kids open presents, as laughter filled the room, i thought about all the people that were in bethlehem that first Christmas night. there were so many people that mary and joseph didnt have a place to sleep. and yet, not a single person saw the greatest miracle of all time. in that moment, i looked up and saw the snow gently falling outside the window. slow and silent in the midst of everyone's busy life, just like Jesus came. and i smiled. and i thanked God for bringing joy into my sorrow on this special day. not many people spoke of Kristopher during Christmas. for those that did, Thank You, from the bottom of my heart. but he was there this Christmas, in his own special way, helping mommy notice the little things in life. helping me love with a love i've never felt before. helping me see with eyes i didn't know i had. helping me feel every joy and pain with a relentless passion. and most of all, helping me worship my God, as much as he is right now in heaven.

Merry Christmas! I pray that the new year brings joy and more blessings than you could ever imagine. for those of your reading this, know that you are prayed over. i know that many of you are here because you are hurting too, and you are looking for someone to identify with. know that God sees you, and He hears you, and He loves you. and He wants more than anything, for you to know that He has provided a way for you to see your loved one again someday in Heaven. and He longs to see you there. Put your faith and trust in Jesus, and i promise, your heart will be healed in places you didn't even realize were broken. Seek Him, fervently seek Him, and when you find Him, i promise, you won't regret it. i pray for your peace, and comfort and strength. and as always, i'm here, ready and willing to listen and cry with you.

much love,
mir