Saturday, March 27, 2010

tender words to the tired heart

"Brook Besor. Don’t feel bad if you’ve never heard of the place. Most haven’t, but more need to. The Brook Besor narrative deserves shelf space in the library of the worn-out. It speaks tender words to the tired heart.
The story emerges from the ruins of Ziklag. David and his six hundred soldiers return from the Philistine war front to find utter devastation. A raiding band of Amalekites had swept down on the village, looted it, and taken the women and children hostage. The sorrow of the men mutates into anger, not against the Amalekites, but against David. After all, hadn’t he led them into battle? Hadn’t he left the women and children unprotected? Isn’t he to blame? Then he needs to die. So they start grabbing stones.
This could be his worst hour.
But he makes it one of his best.
David redirects the men’s anger toward the enemy. They set out in pursuit of the Amalekites. Keep the men’s weariness in mind. They still bear the trail dust of a long campaign and haven’t entirely extinguished their anger at David. They don’t know the Amalekites’ hideout, and, if not for the sake of their loved ones, they might give up.
Indeed, two hundred do. The army reaches a brook called Besor, and they dismount. Soldiers wade in the creek and splash water on their faces, sink tired toes in cool mud, and stretch out on the grass. Hearing the command to move on, two hundred choose to rest. “You go on without us,” they say.
How tired does a person have to be to abandon the hunt for his own family?
The church has its quorum of such folks. Good people. Godly people. Only hours or years ago they marched with deep resolve. But now fatigue consumes them. They’re exhausted. So beat-up and worn down that they can’t summon the strength to save their own flesh and blood. Old age has sucked their oxygen. Or maybe it was a deflating string of defeats. Divorce can leave you at the brook. Addiction can as well. Whatever the reason, the church has its share of people who just sit and rest.
And the church must decide. What do we do with the Brook Besor people? Berate them? Shame them? Give them a rest but measure the minutes? Or do we do what David did? David let them stay.
He and the remaining four hundred fighters resume the chase.
David and his men swoop down upon the enemy like hawks on rats. Every Israelite woman and child is rescued. Every Amalekite either bites the dust or hits the trail, leaving precious plunder behind. David goes from scapegoat to hero, and the whooping and hollering begin.
And what about the two hundred men who had rested?
You might feel the way some of David’s men felt: “Because they did not go with us, we will not give them any of the spoil that we have recovered, except for every man’s wife and children” (1 Sam. 30:22).
A Molotov cocktail of emotions is stirred, lit, and handed to David. Here’s how he defuses it: “Don’t do that after what the Lord has given us. He has protected us and given us the enemy who attacked us. Who will listen to what you say? The share will be the same for the one who stayed with the supplies as for the one who went into battle. All will share alike.” (30:23–24 NCV)
Note David’s words: they “stayed with the supplies,” as if this had been their job. They hadn’t asked to guard supplies; they wanted to rest. But David dignifies their decision to stay.
David did many mighty deeds in his life. He did many foolish deeds in his life. But perhaps the noblest was this rarely discussed deed: he honored the tired soldiers at Brook Besor.
Someday somebody will read what David did and name their church the Congregation at Brook Besor. Isn’t that what the church is intended to be? A place for soldiers to recover their strength?
If you are listed among them, here is what you need to know: it’s okay to rest. Jesus is your David. He fights when you cannot. He goes where you cannot. He’s not angry if you sit. Did he not invite, “Come off by yourselves; let’s take a break and get a little rest” (Mark 6:31 MSG)?
Brook Besor blesses rest.
Brook Besor also cautions against arrogance. David knew the victory was a gift. Let’s remember the same. Salvation comes like the Egyptian in the desert, a delightful surprise on the path. Unearned. Undeserved. Who are the strong to criticize the tired?
Are you weary? Catch your breath. We need your strength.
Are you strong? Reserve passing judgment on the tired. Odds are, you’ll need to plop down yourself. And when you do, Brook Besor is a good story to know."

Excerpted from









 what comforting words. we don't always have to be strong. when we are tired, the Lord is strong. he can accomplish tasks and challenges that we simply cannot. and sometimes, the best thing we can do is just sit down, and let Him work. His glory shines through the brightest during our weaknesses. whatever we are going through, when it seems like life can't get any worse, think of Jesus, trudging up that hill, beaten to unrecognition, struggling to carry that cross on his back, hanging in agony as he took his last breaths, and then you can put your situation into perspective. and rest assured that when there is something we can't handle, God can. he already did, and it was called Calvary.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

God truly shines in our weakness

"Be sure that the ins and outs of your individuality are no mystery to Him & one day they will no longer be a mystery to you."


I love how God works subtly in my life. I have been struggling with this very topic lately and he slipped these in a little twitter message this morning and just made my day. 

most days, i go through life trying to be as positive as i can. i am a very optimistic person.  i can sit down and chat with anybody about their problems in life and find an encouraging word to say. i can look at my own life and throw away worries and remind myself to just 'trust in the Lord' and everything will turn out fine. even if it's bad in my eyes, it doesn't matter, because God is in control and he can use my reaction to bad things to speak to other people. how i became that way, i really don't know. maybe it was just easier for me to "counsel" other people, than to face my own realities. so much so that i'm not sure i ever learned how to face my realities. optimism is the only way i know to look at a problem in my life. i am always searching for the silver lining and how to see the glass as half full. 


but then night time comes. time for bed. by the time i get in bed and lay my head on the pillow, i am so tired that falling asleep should be a no brainer for my body. but for some reason, i struggle with falling asleep. it takes me a good 30 min to sometimes 2 hours to fall asleep. my mind wanders to a million places, and i fight so hard to keep away the bad thoughts that creep in late at night, when i'm exhausted, and i've fought so hard all day to keep them away. but in those moments, i have a hard time being strong, but because i don't know of any other way to cope with those feelings, i shine them out with rainbows and puppies. 


but i've began questioning myself the past week or so. why is it exactly that i refuse to let myself feel those feelings. why can't i even think those thoughts. they get just to the surface, but i slam the door as hard as i can before i can figure out exactly what that thought is trying to say. and i think i've figured out that it has a lot to do with fear. and doubt. the two things that i preach so much about. the two very things that i know have absolutely no use. nothing at all in this world can be accomplished through fear and doubt. but i've learned that i'm so afraid to think those thoughts because i'm so afraid that if i as much as think them in my head that they will be a reality. i push those thoughts away because i know the "right" way to think, i know the churchy answer to all my questions. so i force myself to dwell on those things, rather than what my heart truly wants to cry out. 


some of you may ask, what is the problem in that? i wish that i were able to just shut out every bad thing. but honestly, i'm not really shutting them out. i am still allowing them to creep in, but i'm just too scared to face my thoughts head on and say "get the heck out of dodge. you aren't welcomed here." there are things in my heart that i am so scared of, that i can't even talk to God about them. and what is the point in that?? God already knows exactly what those thoughts are, so if i refuse to talk to him about them, isn't that a sign of distrust? i trust God with everything else in my life, except for my fears and doubts. i am scared that if i let him know what i'm thinking that he won't protect me from those things. but all i'm really doing is being dishonest with him and telling him that i don't fully trust him with 100% of everything in my life.


i'm learning that the only way i am going to be able to conquer my fears, is to be completely open and honest about them with God. the one who already knows. he is there, ready and willing to help me find victory over these thoughts, actually he is willing to conquer them FOR me. but i have to begin by being honest with him about what i'm dealing with. and in doing so, by actually speaking my fears, and saying 'here it is God, I need your help', i can begin to understand why i feel that way and how i can overcome it. yes, these thoughts and fears are such a mystery to me, and i have no idea how to deal with them, but if i can start letting God play an active role in those, they won't be a mystery to me much longer. 


i am learning that i don't always have to be the strong one. i don't always have to have it all together. there will be times when my heart aches and i feel things that i dont want to. there will be times when i'm scared. very scared. there will be times when i'm confused and i don't know what to do. there will be times when the weight of the world will bring me to my knees. i know this because Jesus went through those same things too. when faced with death on a cross and bearing the weight of all the sins of all the world of all time, he got scared. he became weak. he asked his Father if there was another way. and if my perfect and holy Savior can be honest with his Father about his fears and worries, so can i. and the same God who picked up his very own Son, will pick me up too. the same God who cried with Jesus, will cry with me too. and the same God who raised Jesus from the dead, will lift me up on His wings. and he will carry me when i can't carry myself. i don't have to be strong all the time, because God is always strong. he never falters. he never loses his step. while my yoke is heavy, his burden is light. it's nothing to him, and he wants me to not only be honest about my struggles, he wants me to bring them to him. not try and hide them away and act like they don't exist. there is nothing in this world that we can just hide away and it not come back to haunt us later on. especially dirty clothes thrown into a closet. they don't just disappear...


i spend so much time being strong for the other people in my life, and most of the time, i feel like there is no one around that i can be honest with about my weaknesses. i know that will upset some people and maybe even hurt feelings, because i have been so tremendously blessed with amazing people in my life that have been there for me through my worst, and i do know that they are always there. but i have to be honest, it's hard for me to be completely honest with myself, much less other people. i worry about being a burden. and so therefore, i hide my weaknesses and keep moving forward as a rock for those around me. it's where i find solace. but in these wee small hours when i try to close my eyes, and i feel like there is nobody in the world that can handle my weakness, instead of pushing them away because i don't know how to deal with it, i can find comfort that it's ok to be weak. and it's ok to be honest in my fears and "wrong" feelings, because when i am weak, He is strong. even when i think i'm strong, he is stronger. i can't be afraid of my feelings, because if i'm going to talk about trusting God, i need to live it also. and i can't live it, unless i face my fears. and truthfully, when i think about the people that have had the most impact on my life, it has been through their weaknesses that God spoke to me. and how they found their strength through those scary times is what encourages me. so i shouldn't be so scared of weakness, because God creates the most beautiful paintings through it.


"God's demand for perfection need not discourage you in your attempts to be good, or your failures. When you fall He'll pick you up again."

maybe i will be able to fall asleep quickly from now on. 

Monday, March 8, 2010

2 years ago

two years ago, i met one of the most important families that has yet to come into my life. it's hard to believe that it's only been two years, because i feel like i have been a part of their lives for so much longer than that.

i wish i could go back to that day i met kris, selina and kaden and tell myself what i know now. i wish i could go back to every day that i spent with this family, and remind myself to soak in every moment of time i had with them. i wish i could go back to the times that i chose not to spend time with them, and change my mind. i wish i had made time to have had just one more day with that family as a whole.

it's easy to focus on the anniversary of the day we lost kris, but today, i want to focus on the time when i met him. little did i know how big of an impact he would make on my life and i wish i could sit him down and tell him so many things and say thank you.

not only is this time of the year such a special time for his son, kaden, as he turns another year older, but also it is a time that i will always remember as the time when stephen and i met kris. i love how the celebration of kaden's life, kris's very own legacy, reminds me of the life i came to know in his father.

kris, our family still misses you very much every day. stephen will find your picture and he knows that you are kaden's daddy. you will always be "uncle kris" in our family and we are forever thankful for the short time we got to spend with you. i miss making you lasagna and pork tenderloin. i hate throwing away leftovers, because i never had any with you around! i miss calling you looking for my husband because he never answered his phone. i miss never knowing whether to call you sergeant rodgers, or kris. i miss buying you cheap beer so i could come over to watch chick flicks with your wife and end up getting sucked into a redwings game instead.  i miss all the times our families could have had together with you in them. but with all the things i miss, i will never miss my memories, because you are very much alive in those and i wouldn't trade them for anything. as few as they may

i can still hear the laughter in these pictures from kaden's 3rd birthday party

happy birthday, on wednesday, kaden!! you are such a special little boy and you have great things ahead of you!! i can't wait to see all of your dreams unfold. i am so proud of you and hope you know how much i love you and miss you. uncle justin, stephen and i will ALWAYS be here for you, no matter what!!!
love,
miss miranda

to my best friend, selina:
there are no words to express the joy that fills my heart to see you thriving the way that you are. you are like a sister to me and i love you with all my heart. i thank our husbands everyday for bringing us together that day in the park!! i knew there was something different about you after our first "date" at the movies and i was right. you are truly an amazing woman and i'm proud to know you.

Monday, March 1, 2010

prayer requests

i have a few prayer requests that i want to share with you. i don't know this couple at all, but it is a couple that has been members of the church we've been attending for a while. their names are TJ and Katie. they have 2 children and one on the way. a few nights ago katie suffered from a brain aneurysm that ruptured. she is in the hospital on life support, but they are saying that she is pretty much brain dead. she is being kept on the machines at the time because of the fact that she is only 5 months pregnant. they are not sure as to whether to try and take the baby out now, and risk a most probable death for the baby, or to keep her alive as long as they can to hopefully give the baby a chance to develop a little more and have a better chance at survival. like i said, i dont know these people, but my heart is breaking in pieces for this family. please please please pray for a miracle. pray that somehow, God can bring Katie back to her husband, 2 children and family. and pray for discerment for the doctors. i can't fathom the weight of this decision on their hearts. whatever their decision about this baby, please pray that God guides them.  i KNOW that God can create miracles, even when the results are against all odds. our God is so much more powerful than anything found in a hospital. i know that with ALL of my heart. THIS is just one example. but i also know, that God's miracles are not always in line with the miracles we want. He may choose to take care of this situation in his own way. whatever His will, please pray that the family will be overwhelmed with strength, courage and PEACE. pray that they remember they can do anything with God and no matter what the outcome, God can and will be given the glory. for he is still God, in the good times and the bad times. and he's got a plan that we obviously can't see. and if you can't think of anything to pray, pray anyway. God will give you the words. the Bible tells us that God will intercede when we have no words. he knows our hearts and he knows our souls. if we can just make ourselves available to pray for katie, God will do the work.

also, i'd like to be in prayer for this coming saturday. as you know we are at ft. knox, which is where many many many new soldiers go for their basic training (also known as "boot camp") this coming saturday, we will be hosting a group of these soldiers at church and providing them with worship and food. this is the first time that these guys will have been away from training, around normal people, not having a drill sergeant screaming in their face, and normal food. it is a very vulnerable time for these young men and an excellent opportunity to share with them about Jesus. Justin and Jarred went to basic here at ft knox when they joined, and i don't know about jarred, but justin remembers the time that they went to a church in louisville well. he remembers how exciting and refreshing it was and he is SO excited for this weekend. he is so excited for a time to give back. he remembers what that time did for him and how those people offering up their saturday night helped him in the midst of the struggle of  basic training. and i am so excited to see him this excited about something. so we will be there in the midst of many new worn down, exhausted soldiers saturday night at 6. pray that God will be present in that building with them and that God will use us in whatever way we are needed.

since i'm talking about prayer requests right now, i wanted to take time to say that if anybody reading this has any prayer requests that you want us to pray with you about, please let me know. you can post a comment or if you dont want anybody else reading it, you can send me an email. i am also going to put a message box on this blog like i have on the other one, so you can email me through that also. i am so grateful for the prayer warriors i have in my life, and if i can pray for anyone, i am so happy to do that. i believe that prayer is such a powerful tool we've been given. we don't have to wait a month to be able to go into the temple have have a priest talk to God for us like they did in Bible days. we don't have to pray to the saints in order to get to God. we have access to Him right here, and right now. whenever we need Him. He is always there, always listening. what a blessing! even Jesus prayed to God. He needed one on one time, and strength and help with the Father just as much as we do. who are we to think we don't need to pray, huh?