6 months

i'm going to start this post with the no-no words!!!

Kristopher *should be* turning 6 months old this month.

but today, i am using my no-no words, because it's.O.K.!!!

can you believe it?! can it really be that it's been SIX months since i held that sweet baby???? it feels like yesterday. i know that is such a "mother" thing to say, but for real, time goes faster and faster the older i get!

today, i celebrated! i gave it my all. because it's been 6 months of being carried by Jesus.

there is no sweeter place to be!

i can say that will absolute rest in my heart today.

i am celebrating the fact that i am standing today. i am celebrating the fact that even in the face of Satan himself, i DID.NOT. let him win. i celebrate the fact that i stand here today stronger, more absolute and more certain of my God than i have ever been in my life.

i am celebrating today, the fact that 6 months ago, i never ever ever thought i would be able to say these things today. and here i am. still standing. still smiling. albeit, still healing, but still whole!

God loves me, God is for me, and God is with me. (thanks, PT!)

Kristopher, I love you so so so much, beyond my own comprehension. and i miss you more than words could ever describe. but i am so proud to be your mommy and i am so grateful for your presence in my life. you have made me a better mama to your big brother, a better wife to your daddy, and just a better me. thank you for the strength you have given me. thank you for the perspective you have given me. but most of all, thank you for teaching me how to LOVE. i will never forget you, in half a year, a whole year, 5 years or 50. in the words of stephen and i's favorite book, "i'll love you forever, i'll like you for always, as long as i'm living, my baby you'll be!" i love you, baby!


p.s.
tomorrow, we celebrate a beautiful little life that came into this world 8 years ago! he was only here for 10 months but he made such a huge impact in this world. thank you Stephanie for being so brave and teaching me how to live again. happy birthday, little Jacob! if he and Kristopher are anything like Stephen and Matthew and Gabe, i know they are having a blast with Jesus!!!! <3