why this blog is here

over the course of the past year, my heart has grown and changed in so many ways. as someone who has been in the church since i was a week old, it's a little embarrassing to admit that i have never experienced God in the way that i have in the recent year. i have been through the motions, i have sung the songs, said the prayers, read the words, and at times thought i'd "gotten" it. but looking back from where i stand today, i can honestly say that i had no clue back then.

there have been times in my life when i've felt close to God. there were times that i talked to him on a regular basis. there were times that i had it all together, so i thought. and who knows, maybe i did, but somehow i have never been at the point where my relationship with God was a constant, day to day, minute to minute, second to second communion with the Almighty.  sure, i got church camp "highs" for about a week, maybe 2, hey, maybe even for a month. i'd be on top of the world as soon as we got back from camp, and ready to tell everybody i knew about what i had learned, but it didn't take long for that to fade into the past and linger as memories of mere good times. that's the problem when we let our christianity ride on the waves of emotion. then when that emotion isn't there, and daily life is pressing on us, we don't even recall that time when we were overflowing in joy. as i grew older, i continued to talk the talk, but my walk began to swerve farther and farther in both directions from the narrow. i have always known the truth in my head, but as far as the heart matters go, i'm not sure that i had ever fully understood the depths of what it means to be a follower of Christ.

i think the cause of that is because i had never been humble enough to accept the truth about my life. my pride always got in the way and i thought because i "knew" it all, that i could get by just fine by myself. but no matter how much we fight it, or push it away, or try to stand under the weight of it, God WILL get our attention. in some way or another. and it's very unfortunate that sometimes we have to blow through so many stop signs and so many warnings, all of which could have saved us an infinite amount of heartache, in order to reach the point where we can truly face ourselves for what we are. sometimes God has to literally grab us by the shoulders and shake us to the core to get our attention. to the point where we can't stand on our own two feet. we fall to our knees in a state of pure brokenness, sheer pain, and agonizing loneliness that only God can heal. but during those times, if we are able to humble ourselves before him and actually open our hearts to His will, he will bless us with so much peace, grace and mercy.

Many times in the Bible, we find these very same moments called exile. Every important moment in Biblical history begins with a period of exile, a time in the wilderness. Even Jesus himself, before he ever began his ministry, was thrown into the wilderness to be tested by satan. the Israelites wandered in the wilderness for years, before they received the blessings that God had promised them, and that was only when they humbled themselves before God and submitted their will to his. paul and silas were thrown into prison, but because of their faith, they used that time to praise God and worship him. the power of God's presence in that prison was so strong because of their willingness to praise Him, that the doors fell down. John, when writing the book of Revelation, was sent to exile on a deserted island. While the government thought they were punishing him, they didn't realize they were throwing him at the very feet of God. God brings us into exile when he wants to get our full attention. in a day when we are surrounded by cell phones, emails, internet, tv, all the time...how many times to we actually sit in SILENCE and give God our full undivided attention?

i am learning that it is in these times of exile, where we are lost in the wilderness, with no connection to what we consider as normal, that God speaks to us most clearly. if we use those times to throw ourselves before him and worship him, no matter what, he blesses us with a sweet surrender, showers of forgiveness, and ultimately a blissful awareness that we serve a Most High, Sovereign and Awesome God! people change, circumstances change, jobs change, money comes and go, people let us down, we let other people down, but the one thing that will never change is that Jesus is on the throne and everything revolves around him. we will never face anything more powerful, stronger or more fierce than God himself. so we have no reason to fear the unknown. solitude can be a wonderful thing, and brokenness is absolutely a beautiful thing, if you take your broken heart to the King, the only person that can heal it.

it's not the actual acts of praise that make a difference. when joshua fought the battle of jericho, it wasn't the acts of him and his army walking around the walls and blowing horns. it was their faithfulness, to do something so utterly absurd, because God told them to. because they knew that God would follow through with his promises. and sometimes God's promises don't line up with our plans. sometimes things happen that we don't understand. we pray so hard for something in particular, and then it doesn't happen. what about then? we have to understand that God is still in control. and believe it or not, he sees the bigger picture. he can see things and he knows things that are beyond our comprehension. and sometimes, it's just not our place to know. we wouldn't be able to understand it anyway, so it's just better that we just trust him. that's all he asks anyway.

woody allen said, "success is 90% showing up." you have to make yourself available to hear what God wants to tell you. if you aren't there, you can't see. if you aren't listening, of course you're not going to hear him. we can talk and pray to God all we want to, but if we don't listen in return, we can't get upset when we don't get the answers we want. because sometimes the answers we get aren't the ones we're expecting. so we always have to be listening. we have to be present.

this is where i am. this is why i'm here. a lot has changed me over the last year. i've learned so much, and i am still learning way more than i thought was possible for me to learn, every day. i still struggle. a lot. but, i want to make sure i'm present. i want to make sure i show up for the plans that God has to share with me. He has so many blessings to pour out to us, but we stay so busy, and so occupied with our own lives that we don't even take time to accept those blessings. we miss out on so much because of our selfishness. we decide to lay in bed longer than we should, and we could be missing an amazing blessing right outside our window. we have to spend a few extra minutes on facebook, refreshing the page, just to make sure that no one has updated anything since the last time we refreshed it 1.5 seconds ago.  we'd rather hurry up and get our kids in bed, so we can sit up and watch that show we recorded from the other night, instead of reading that book "just one more time" and giving a few extra kisses. (i am so guilty of all of those!!!) God has so many things in store for us, but we have to show up to receive them. and sometimes, all we have to do is ask.

sometimes, when i learn something new or am reminded of something that i've always known, just never taken to heart, i just want to share it with everybody i know. and sometimes, writing things down helps me to comprehend what God's trying to teach me. I tried journaling, and as you can see, i write a lot. and i got one tired hand. so typing is my next best thing. and if i'm typing anyway, i might as well share the wonderful things that God shows me with those that i love the most. some of my posts might be complete ramblings, and you might read a post and have no idea what i'm talking about. and that's ok. i'm not asking anybody to follow my posts really, i just want to open up my heart to those around me. and if you want to follow me on my journey, you are more than welcome. i would love to have you along for the ride. and if not, please just pray for me. pray that i continue to be faithful, and that i make the most of every single moment that i have. pray that as my kid(s) grow, that my patience grows with them. that i can get myself out of the picture long enough to notice what their needs are and find out what they are really trying to say to me. that i will always do what's best for them, and not necessarily for me. pray that i continue to grow as a wife, that we continue to put God at the head of our marriage. I spent so many years thinking i can do things on my own, i don't need to let other people into my life. but i've learned that really, i do. i need the support of my family and friends. i need to be honest with not only myself, but also with those that i love about what's going on in my heart and my mind. only then can i be brave enough to face the storm that rages in my heart all the time and fight the enemy that tries so hard to come in and sweep me away from the most precious moments of my life.

so, if you've made it this far, i thank you. i will try not to let all of my posts get this long, and if i do, i apologize in advance. i can't wait to share my heart with you. even if it's just a computer screen. even if nobody reads this, i'm still excited. i'm excited because God is great. and i know that he is going to do amazing things in the lives of my family. my prayer right now, is that i will look back at these posts several years from now and say, man, i thought i had it together back then, but i had no idea! i hope God continues to carry me and sweep me away to unimaginable places!! and i pray that he does the same for you.

love,
miranda

When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious riches he will strengthen you with the power through his Spirit in your innermost being, so that Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. I pray your roots will grow deep down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power, together with all God's people, to grasp how wide, how long, how high, and how deep is His love for us. May you fully experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish immeasurably more than than all we might ask or imagine. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:14-21 (NLT&NIV, emphasis mine)