i just need to start out by saying how wonderfully, awesome and amazing God is. The last time I was here posting, I was so broken and confused. And since then, God has done incredible things for me. and i can't wait to tell you about it. i can barely type right now because i just want to blurt it all out and i'm having a hard time organizing my thoughts into writing!
first of all, community is so, so important. i never understood the absolute importance of fellowship until this past year of my life. and that is fellowship with kindred spirits, might i add. i have had much community with people that are different from me, women that don't believe the same things as i do, women who want me to agree to disagree with them on certain topics. and i'm not saying that you CAN'T have community with people who are different, but fellowship with others who share your heart for the same things, is imperative!! it is in that fellowship that i have discovered some of the most valuable treasures that God has tucked away in His Word. it was in this community of women that are trying to walk the same walk as i am, that i was able to utter some of the hardest words that i never thought i would have to say. it is in this community that i've learned that it's ok to be vulnerable. it's in this community that i've learned that it's ok to be REAL. i've learned that there is a TON of healing in having a group of people who you can share your most vulnerable self with and they are there to catch you when the breath gets knocked out of you. the ladies that have become so important to me, are ladies that i don't even know outside of church, some of them. but it's ok, because we're all in this together. and we all serve the same glorious God. and it's good.
this past weekend, our church had a 24 hour worship service, beginning at 7 pm on Friday night and lasting until 7 pm Saturday night. I decided from the time I heard about it, I was going to go, and I was going to give it all i had. i was in desperate need of just some time with Jesus. little did i know just how much i needed that though. i don't think i can accurately describe what happened throughout that night, but it was just what i needed. and i can say that ever since, my perspective is changed. for the first time in a long long time, i was able to worship God without holding anything back. i was there long enough to get past the initial barrier that i always seem to put up when i go into worship. it doesn't matter how genuine i am about wanting to be there, i always have a wall up around my heart and i almost always feel somewhat skeptical. and it seems like in normal worship time during church, i just barely get to the point where i can open up my crossed arms and be free and authentic, but then it's time to sit down and listen. but that night, i was able to let go. and i praised God, simply for who He is, and what He's done. the things that He deserves to be praised for. i was able to focus on Him rather than how much my heart hurt and how much i desperately needed his help. which i still do, but i think it's very important to be able to praise God for being God, nothing more, nothing less. because even if that's all we had, if he never bestowed blessings upon us, or if he never picked us up and healed our brokenness, He would still be worthy of praise, because He IS. I was able to fully surrender to His will and not even think about my own. as i sang, and as i listened, i heard scripture. and i wrote it down. and the phrases and lyrics that stuck out in my heart, i wrote them down. i stayed there all night friday night, and then i had to leave for work at about 8 on Saturday morning. i can't describe the feeling of emptiness i had while i was away. i couldn't think about anything but how i felt in those moments and all i wanted was to go back. so i did, when i got off work. and i wasn't even tired! i was more awake that night than i am after i get 10 hours of sleep! i really can't describe what happened in that room, but i left a different person.
i just want to share what God spoke to my heart during this time. it might sound like jibber jabber, but it's just too exciting to me not to share.
You won't relent until You have it all...my heart is Yours. Come be the fire inside of me
until You and i are one. I don't want to talk about You like You're not in the room.
I want to look right at You, I want to see right to You. there's nothing, nothing i want more.
i have decided, i have resolved to wait upon You Lord.
my Rock and Redeemer shall not be moved. i'll wait on you Lord.
Christ has died, Christ has risen, Christ is coming again!
The riches of Your love will always be enough. Nothing compares to Your embrace.
The Cross before me, the world behind me. no turning back.
till every tear is wiped away and orphans songs are turned to praise. till all is true, i'll follow You.
till every heart knows Your name.
till all the nations sing Your praise. i have decided to follow Jesus. no turning back.
i give my life to follow, everything i believe in.
"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you.
He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Zeph. 3:17
As much as we sing to the Lord, even more so, He sings over us!
Psalm 24:1-6; Psalm 77:13
"Exalt the Lord your God and worship at His footstool; He is holy. Exalt the Lord our God and worship at His holy mountain, for the Lord our God is holy." Psalm 99:5&9
Isaiah 5:16; 6:3; 40:23-31;57:15
"The Lord is holy in His temple. Let all the Earth be silent before Him." Habakkuk 2:20
Rev. 4:8
I will love You enough to let go.
when did love become unmoving? when did love become unconsuming?
forgetting what the world has told me, Father of love, You can have me.
At the cross You beckon me, bring me gently to my knees. i am lost for words, so lost in love. sweetly broken. wholly surrendered.
i'm sorry Lord for the thing i've made it, it's all about You.
what can i say? what can i do? but offer this heart completely to You.
Your love is extravagant. Your friendship is intimate. spread wide in the arms of Christ.
no greater love have i ever known. capture my heart again.
You are holy, great and mighty! the moon and the stars declare who you are.
forever my heart will sing of how great You are!
Hallelujah! our God reigns!
First I must be empty to be filled.
Greater things are yet to come, greater things are still to be done in this city!
there are no strangers, there are no outcasts, there are no orphans of God.
so many have fallen, but Hallelujah, there are no orphans of God!
OH HAPPY DAY!
worship=healing!!!
UNTIL THE WHOLE WORLD HEARS!
i have always loved worship. in any form or fashion. and especially through music. it just speaks to me. but i have never in my life encountered worship the way that i did that weekend. and for that, i will forever be changed. and i can't wait to do it again.
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